A Land O’ Lakes teen faces domestic battery charges after deputies say he used MMA-style moves on his mother and sister.
The teen choked, kicked and performed MMA (mixed martial arts) moves on his sister, then chased his mother and “placed her in a physically restraining MMA move,” the report stated.
What, pray tell, is an “MMA-style move?” Obviously, we all know what the author is going for. We know that “mixed martial arts” sizzles in the conscious of lazy, bleary-eyed readers and their partial detachment from reality. It makes this accused teen sound like an imposing monster and a human weapon.
However, why must MMA bear the brunt of this? Why does judo get to be “the gentle art” and MMA, in 2013, has to be human cockfighting? Moreover, how on earth did a rear-naked choke -- or chokes in general -- become so emblematic of MMA? Sure, these techniques have become associated with the sport through constant TV and movie depictions, but I refuse to believe people didn’t strangle other people in fights before MMA. Does no one instinctively think of going for the throat in a fight?
It is hard to imagine this story even being run without the tangential, trying MMA connection. “Teen chokes mother in domestic dispute,” morbid as it sounds, simply isn’t news. But, hey, rather than run down real stories, just jazz it up with some of the ol’ ultimate fighting and send it to print. The Land o Lakes folks deserve better, dammit. Also, this is in Florida, for crying out loud. There's legitimately crazy things to report. Everywhere. Hop to it.