A Land O’ Lakes teen faces domestic battery charges after
deputies say he used MMA-style moves on his mother and sister.
According to a Pasco County complaint affidavit, the 16-year-old
became “physically abusive” toward his mother and sister after his
cellphone was taken away.
The teen choked, kicked and performed MMA (mixed martial arts)
moves on his sister, then chased his mother and “placed her in a
physically restraining MMA move,” the report stated.
What, pray tell, is an “MMA-style move?” Obviously, we all know
what the author is going for. We know that “mixed martial arts”
sizzles in the conscious of lazy, bleary-eyed readers and their
partial detachment from reality. It makes this accused teen sound
like an imposing monster and a human weapon.
However, why must MMA bear the brunt of this? Why does judo get to
be “the gentle art” and MMA, in 2013, has to be human cockfighting?
Moreover, how on earth did a rear-naked choke -- or chokes in
general -- become so emblematic of MMA? Sure, these techniques have
become associated with the sport through constant TV and movie
depictions, but I refuse to believe people didn’t strangle other
people in fights before MMA. Does no one instinctively think of
going for the throat in a fight?
It is hard to imagine this story even being run without the
tangential, trying MMA connection. “Teen chokes mother in domestic
dispute,” morbid as it sounds, simply isn’t news. But, hey, rather
than run down real stories, just jazz it up with some of the ol’
ultimate fighting and send it to print. The Land o Lakes folks
deserve better, dammit. Also, this is in Florida, for crying out
loud. There's legitimately crazy things to report. Everywhere. Hop